Tarragon: The Incarrotance Cycle
by GilanBraginski
Summary: A poor herb Tarragon finds a magical grapefruit seed that hatches into a flying orange and they have an adventure in the land of kitchen counter. Parody/crack
1. Chapter 1

**Bonjour. This is my (tasteful) parody of the first book of the Inheritance cycle, Eragon. Special thanks to Netherink for listening to me think out loud...you have no idea how much it helps:) The chapters(there will be about fifty nine I think) match up to those in the original book. My chapters will also be very short.**

**Disclaimer: I own the food, but not the original story idea. That goes to Christopher Paolini**

One clear day in the kingdom of Kitchen Counter, a young herb named Tarragon was hunting a chicken. Why our hero was chasing a chicken is unclear to the author. I mean it's not like herbs eat meat. He had chased it to the dreaded peaks of the Pot Pile. Tarragon lived in a small herb village not far from the Pot Pile. It should be known to the reader the Pot Pile was a ginormous swath of kitchen counter that was covered by stainless steel saucepans stacked precariously upon each other. If you fell in a pot there was no way out. That's why the herbs of herb village stayed away at all costs. There was also a fabled pot monster. But no one is quite sure if it's real.

Tarragon had snuck up on the herd of chickens when there was flash of light and coloured smoke filled the air. The chickens scattered. After coughing and trying to regain his sight and breath, Tarragon gingerly(Lolz more food) crept out to where the herd had been. He found that bolt of light and a crater to boot had Been caused by...

A GLITTERY GRAPEFRUIT SEED

Tarragon picked up the seed. He put it into his pocket. Maybe he could deep fry and eat it later(because we all know herbs love to eat grapefruit seeds, especially sparkly ones). He shrugged his leafy shoulders and started on the path through the Pot

Pile that lead home.

**As always, please review/follow/favourite!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Annnndddd...I'm back! Getting a** **review makes my day, guys:) I think this chapter is a bit longer. It follows the plot of the second chapter of course. Any suggestions/criticisms are welcome!**

**Disclaimer: I dunnae own Eragon. But that's pretty obvious, Oui?**

When Tarragon got back to his hometown, Messhall, he headed straight for the butcher shop. The shop was run by a grumpy dude named Sorrel.

"Hey look who is el mighty chicken killer!" the butcher called out as Tarragon entered the shop.

"Sod off. Look dude, I'm here to buy not sell."

"Then were, dare I ask, is the dough?" Sorrel asked mockingly. He knew Tarragon and his family were not well off.

"Um well I have a sparkly grapefruit seed" Tarrafon replied hesitantly

Sorrel gave Tarragon a despising look, then was about to physically kick him out the door when entered apon the scene the local smith, Horseradish and Sorrels lovely and kind daughter, Catnip.

Horseradish had heard all of Sorrel and Tarragon's conversation. He slammed his huge fist on the butchers counter.

"Didn't your Mommy tell you it's never okay to bully people? Tarragon, how much of this stuff were you planning to buy? Hel,l I'll buy half the story. You look like you could use it."

Fifteen minutes later Tarragon stumbled out of the store with his backpack full of steak. Damn carnivorous herbs. They'll be the end of us. Horseradish stepped outside to see the boy off.

"How can I ever repay you sir? Do you want this sparkly grapefruit seed?" Tarragon said.

Horseradish gave the seed a disapproving look. "That ain't natural boy. Actually, I could use a apprentice in the spring."

Tarragon nodded his head ."One more thing? Will you give a message to Catnip from my cousin Oregano?" it was Horseradish's turn to nod his head. "Oregano says to say he will see her when merchants come and that she is the most beautiful and lovely herb he has ever seen"

Horseradish smiled "Can do kid"

Tarragon started off for home. He lived on a farm with his uncle, Garlic, and his cousin, Oregano. The farm was a bit too far from Messhall for comfort. Which is to say it was so far from other houses, if there was an alien invasion the family would be screwed. Tarragon's Aunt Marsh Mallow had died some years previously.

Tarragon knocked on the door to the farmhouse. Garlic opened the door, saw it was him, and let his nephew in. When Garlic saw all the meat(damn carnivorous plants) he gasped.

"Where did you get the money for all of this?!"

"Well um Horseradish kind of bought it" Garlic was about to protest that they shouldn't be accepting charity, but Tarragon quickly added "I'm going to pay him by working for him in the spring. I did offer him this though" Tarragon placed the glittering grapefruit seed on the table.

"Where did you find that?! The Pot Pile?! It must be cursed!" Tarragon gingerly slipped the seed back into his pocket and climbed up into loft to sleep. Because it's common knowledge herbs need a good 10 hours of sleep each night.

**Eh about Roran's name: the only r herb I could think of was Rosemary, and this is not a boy named sue kind of tale. So yeah Oregano. Quick side note: most human characters will be herbs/spices, all dragons, animals and maybe elves will be fruits, and all evil characters will be vegetables. Let me know if you have any suggestions for names! I've been kind of going by the first letter of the original characters. As always, please review/follow/favourite!**


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